I was recently at a college friend’s wedding in Toledo, Ohio.  All elements of the wedding were beautiful, the direct result of my friends hands on approach no doubt.  Bridezilla is probably not the correct term describing her involvement, since I was not there to witness any tense moments leading up to the big day, but I do know she kept her wedding planner on a very short leash.  One thing that was not in her control and thus stood out from the classy, organized, and beautiful service was the priest and his hour-long speech dedicated to the difficulties of marriage. 

I have never been married and I suspect neither has this priest, but regardless of our level of personal experience, a few words of advice can always be given, such as: always be honest, talk about emotions, and respect

each other in public and private.  Due to the fact that I know nothing of marriage and that these pieces of advice are related to my personal codes of moral behavior, I would most likely stop there.  If I was in the position of my parents, for example, or my grandparents, I would  obviously have a few more

things to say, but the question now becomes, would or could I say them?  I think not.  Marriage is something that you have to experience.  No words of wisdom will make or break it.

I think this formula applies to any journey about to be embarked upon.  Before I came to Israel two years ago,  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Words of advice were taken with a nod and a polite thank you but subconsciously shelved and forgotten.  My ability to succeed in my program and in Israel had to do with me and where I was at in my life.  No words from the wise made or broke my experience.

Thus, when setting out to formulate FOOTPRINTS and offer you resources for your time in Israel I was torn with what to tell you.  There are a million things I know now, which could perhaps ease your transition into Israeli society, but to be honest, half the fun in confronting those barriers and experiences is surviving.  In six months you will pass a tourist on the street and shake your head at their obvious distress or confusion or delusion at their bargaining skills, and wonder if you too really looked like that once.   The answer is yes, we all have (and often still do), but here we are now, knowing how to better maneuver the barriers between our former society and this one. 

So I will make my words of encouragement and advice simple.  Step off that plane and forget everything you ever suspected this country to be and approach it from a new and blank perspective.  Know that your idea of Judaism is not universal.  Having the same religion does not translate into companionship or understanding, Israelis may be Jewish but they are culturally and religiously very different from you.  Israeli kids are typically obnoxious, loud, and disobedient: if you are working with them be prepared to love them and hate them simultaneously.  Romantic relationships with Israelis are wonderful, but underlying cultural differences make them extremely challenging (and be wary of anyone who tells you to “flow”).  Israeli’s will invite you into their homes and hearts very quickly, so let them.  Be as honest with Israeli’s as they are with you.  The whole idea of small talk is null and void here, no one really has the time or patience to talk about the weather or be nice to you if they don’t have to be or want to.  Flexibility and patience and not taking things too seriously are necessities for survival in this country.  Remember, as shiny as the cars are, this is the Middle East.  Things work differently.

As cliché as it appears to be these days, I believe the Sabra (the cactus fruit which is prickly on the outside but soft and sweet on the inside) remains a good metaphor for Israel and the people who live here.  Within the meat of this country, within the ripeness on the inside, between the streets that divide the sectors of society, within the walls of homes, within the pages of its books of prayer and literature, between friends and family, is a fruit sweater than any other. 

If you are open to it, this experience will change your life .  Enjoy. 

Erin Kopelow

MAP information Coordinator
masamap@masaisrael.org